


Expecting the Unexpected

by cordeliadelayne



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Clint doesn't like to ask for things, Clint has good friends, Collars, Coulson can be oblivious, Coulson has good friends, Established Relationship, Hand Jobs, Kissing, M/M, Matchmaking, So is Natasha, fury is a secret matchmaker, very light angst, well-intentioned interference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 20:28:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8859895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cordeliadelayne/pseuds/cordeliadelayne
Summary: Coulson isn't sure what Fury is planning by instigating a Bring Your Pet To Work Day, he just knows that Clint is involved somehow.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fredbassett](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fredbassett/gifts).



> Written as a Christmas present for the lovely fredbassett who gave the prompt “It's bring you pet to work day and this really wasn't what Coulson had expected”.

Coulson was definitely too old for this nonsense. Far, far too old.

He stared at the email for a further few seconds and then picked up the phone. Maria Hill answered on the second ring.

“It's got nothing to do with me,” she said before Coulson had a chance to speak.

Coulson tempered down on his sigh. “I fail to believe that Fury came up with this idea on his own.”

“I didn't say he came up with it on his own. I said it had nothing to do with me.”

Coulson could hear Maria shifting papers around her desk, waiting for the penny to drop.

“What did Barton do?”

Maria barely held back a chuckle. “You think Fury and Barton are BFFs now?”

“Firstly, never say BFF ever again. Secondly Barton works in mysterious ways.”

“You sound paranoid. Get back to work.” Maria hung up the phone.

Coulson glared at the phone in his hand and then put it down. This week was going to go very slowly.

* * * * *

At lunch the cafeteria was buzzing about the email. Coulson was sitting at a table on his own, trying to remember that he was eating macaroni and cheese and not some unidentified alien slime when Clint Barton dropped into the chair opposite him.

“Don't think I don't know this was your idea,” Coulson said.

Clint raised an eyebrow and looked down at his tray. “Macaroni and cheese?” He batted his eyelashes in what was probably meant to be a perfectly innocent fashion. Coulson wasn't fooled for a second.

“You know perfectly well what I'm talking about.”

Clint looked like he was about to deny everything and then changed his mind. “Problem?”

“ _Clint.”_

Clint pulled a face. “I didn't write the email.”

“But it was your idea?”

“I was just having a drink with a Fury and -”

“Wait, what?”

“I was just having a -”

“Since when do you drink with Fury?”

“I do have a life outside of -” Clint waved a hand backwards and forwards between himself and Coulson.

Coulson was very tempted to stick his tongue out at Clint but decided against it. Mainly because Natasha came over to join them.

“I've had better food than this in prisons,” she said.

Clint snorted. “You've cooked worse.”

Natasha turned to look at him and then rapped his hand with a fork.

Coulson pushed his own plate away. If he worked through the rest of his in-tray he could get away early and pick some Thai up on his way home.

“I'm going back to work. Don't blow anything up.”

He nodded goodbye to Natasha and glared pointedly at Clint, before heading away.

“You blow up a coffee machine _one time,”_ Clint complained, loudly enough for Coulson to hear as he passed out of the cafeteria. It was enough to put a smile on his face, at least until the shooting started.

* * * *

“I don't understand how I'm getting the blame for this,” Clint complained. He was sitting on the receptionist's desk, a paramedic bandaging his arm.

“Somebody has to take responsibility,” Coulson absently noted. He had a small cut above his head but it was the blood stains on his suit that were annoying him the most, even if they were all from the AIM goons who'd tried to storm the building.

“And what happened to blaming the bad guys?”

“You joined SHIELD,” Coulson said.

He turned to Clint who was pulling a very unimpressed face.

“Come on, I'll buy you dinner,” Coulson said as way of apology.

“Damn straight you will.”

* * * *

D-Day, as Coulson had dubbed it, if only in his own mind, came around far too quickly. He was still half expecting to get to work and find out that it had all been a prank at his expense. But when he pulled into his usual space in the parking lot he could see several people were taking Bring Your Pet to Work Day seriously. For which he was actually pretty grateful. There were a couple of dogs on leads, a few cats in cats boxes and an actual owl in a cage.

It wasn't until he got into the elevator to find Natasha waiting for him that he realised things were not going to be as smooth cut as he would have liked.

“Morning,” he said.

“Did Clint spend the night with you?”

“What do you mean?” Coulson asked.

Natasha hit the emergency stop button. “Who exactly do you think you're fooling?”

Coulson had stared down Russian mobsters and crazed AIM scientists, but Natasha had a way of getting under his skin like nobody else.

“We're just keeping it...casual.”

“Casual?” Natasha raised an elegant eyebrow. “Clint doesn't _do_ casual. He thinks you're ashamed to be seen with him.”

“What? That's ridiculous of course I...” Coulson paused and rewound the last few times Clint had stayed over. He'd always made sure to disappear in the mornings and not speak to Coulson until at least lunch time. Coulson had just thought it was discretion but...

“You're both idiots,” Natasha said. She handed over a beautifully lacquered wooden box. “Give this to him when he comes to see you. Don't open it till then.”

Coulson took the box. “Shouldn't I know what's in it?”

Natasha just stared at him and he shifted uncomfortably. Then she hit the emergency stop button again and they started moving.

“Don't open it till you see him,” Natasha said again, then disappeared out of the elevator. Coulson nervously watched her go and then headed towards his own office, the box feeling heavy in his hand. At least if Clint was involved it wasn't going to be a bomb.

Probably.  
  
* * * * *

The morning passed in a whir of meetings full of animals that barked, meowed, repeated everything you said (Fury had bought a god-damn parrot in, though Coulson knew damn well that it wasn't his) and left little presents on the floors, and memorably down a window.

By the time he had got back to the relative sanity of his office he was beginning to pray for a nice terrorist attack, or maybe a good bomb scare. It wasn't until he sat down that he realised that not only had he not had time to eat or drink anything since that morning, but that he hadn't seen Clint either.

Natasha's box was still sitting on the edge of his desk where he'd left it. If he didn't know better he'd say it was staring accusingly at him.

“And there it goes, my sanity just dribbling out of my ears,” he muttered under his breath.

“I feel like there's something about signs of insanity I ought to be reciting right now,” Clint said, entering the room carrying two mugs of coffee.

Coulson didn't think about it he just got up and moved around his desk, and then kissed Clint, right there in the doorway, where anybody could see. Clint didn't react and Coulson took a step back.

“We're doing this now?” Clint asked.

“Yes. _Yes,”_ Coulson replied.

Clint kissed him then, sloshing coffee on to the floor but Coulson didn't care. There was some whistling and catcalling from the bullpen outside until Clint kicked the door closed.

Finally Coulson moved away. “I'm sorry. We shouldn't have been keeping this a secret.”

Clint shrugged. “No big deal.” But his face said different, and Coulson could kick himself for ever planting a seed of worry in his mind.

“Here,” Clint said, handing over the coffee. “You should drink it before it goes cold.”

Coulson had something about keeping warm in other ways on the tip of his tongue, but decided they weren't quite ready for office sex just yet. Instead he made sure his fingers brushed against Clint's as he took the mug, and then took a sip of, as expected, coffee exactly the way he liked it. As he put it down on his desk he saw Natasha's box.

“I actually have something for you,” he said.

“Presents? It's not my birthday.”

“No, this is...” Coulson stopped. He didn't want to lie to Clint, but he didn't think Natasha wanted him to say that the gift was her idea either. “Just open it.”

Clint narrowed his eyes. “I know you're lying about something,” he said, “but I'm going to play along anyway. Because I love you.”

He leaned forward and kissed the surprised expression off Coulson's face. They'd never said that before and Coulson realised that he should be saying it back but Clint was moving away and opening the wooden box before Coulson could react.

“Is this...is this what I think it is?”

Coulson had no idea so he tried to subtly move around so he could see what was in the box. And suddenly the small print of Fury's email made sense.

_Friday 12 has been designated Bring Your Pet To Work Day. All collars are welcome._

“You really? How did you know?”

Coulson stared down at the collar in its velvet box and then at Clint. This is not at all how he'd expected this day to turn out, but seeing the look of hope on Clint's face suddenly everything seemed to make sense.

“This was Natasha's idea,” he said, and Clint's face began to drop, “but I, I would very much want you to wear my collar.”

“I have a confession too,” Clint said. “I did get Fury to send the email, only I think he sort of...misunderstood, what I was saying. The whole – pet – thing. It's not, it's not what I meant. But I do, I just...I wanted to show I belonged to you, but something I could hide if I wanted. I just...”

“Clint,” Coulson interrupted, “will you wear my collar?”

Clint swallowed hard and nodded. Coulson reverently took it out of its box and put the collar on Clint. Then he kissed him, hard, forcing him up against the office door, fingers brushing against the collar and against Clint's Adam's apple, making Clint hard and gasping for breath.

“God, Phil, I need...”

Coulson opened Clint's trousers with no finesse and got his hand on Clint's aching cock, bringing him to completion so quickly Clint's legs completely gave way and he slumped to the floor, a sticky, panting mess.

“Fuck,” Clint said. “I haven't come that quickly in years.”

Coulson laughed. “Me either.”

Clint's eyes widened as he saw the tell tale wet patch on Coulson's trousers. Then he pushed Coulson down and crawled into Coulson's lap and kissed him, hot and dirty. If Coulson could have he definitely would have come again just from that.

“When I get you home,” Coulson said as they drew apart, “you won't be able to sit down for a week.”

Clint flashed him a grin that lit up his eyes and made him look years younger. “I'm going to hold you to that, you know.”

“Glad to hear it,” Coulson said. He ran a finger along Clint's collar and Clint shivered. “Now, how are we going to get out of here with no one seeing us?”

“Oh, that ship has sailed!” Maria said, shouting through the still closed door.

Coulson groaned and lay back down on the floor as Clint laughed. “Good thing I'm not dating you for your friends,” he said.

Coulson snorted and then sat up. “I love you too.”

Clint's eyes widened and he blushed. Outside Maria groaned.

“Fury is a matchmaking son of a bitch. And we have a meeting with the CIA five minutes ago!” she shouted through the door.

“Damn,” Coulson said. “I'd completely forgotten.”

Natasha opened the door then, one hand over her eyes, the other holding out a fresh suit that had obviously come from Coulson's locker.

“You're dating me for my friends though, aren't you?” Clint asked with a grin.

“Yes, yes absolutely,” Coulson said. “Pretty much the only reason.” He kissed Clint on the cheek and then grabbed the suit from Natasha.

Bring Your Pet To Work Day wasn't what Coulson had expected, but he was very glad for interfering friends.

He was still going to get his revenge on Fury though. It never paid for the boss to think he was right all the time.

Even when he was.


End file.
